


This is me trying

by RegallyWickedThirteen



Series: Outlaw Queen Prompt Party 2020 [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25772020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegallyWickedThirteen/pseuds/RegallyWickedThirteen
Summary: Regina’s exhausted, scared and tired of running. If the witch is going to kill her or whatever her wicked plan is, she’s going to die happy. This is her trying to get a happy ending with a thief and his adorable son.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Henry Mills, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Roland, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Series: Outlaw Queen Prompt Party 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857628
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	This is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #101 what happen after OQ's first kiss in 3x18
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes in this one - managed to get to see family, just before local lockdown got reintroduced for me. This means that this one is completely unbeta'd and edited though so sorry!

Regina is exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. All she wants to do is sink into a warm bath, perhaps with a glass of wine (or two), wrap her up in her warmest, comfiest pjs and watch mamma mia (her comfort movie) and eat Ben and Jerry’s. She can’t though, not yet, her head is spinning, her entire body buzzing with anxiety from the day's events. She needs to take a minute to reflect, refocus. 

The whole day had been unsettling and unnerving. 

Zelena appeared in her dining room, taunting her. Regina wasn’t a stranger to a little home intrusion and intimidation. The difference is that this time Regina wasn’t in control and she knows Zelena’s up to more than just mocking her. 

The revelation that her, their mother was the root of Zelena’s pain and jealousy was not that unsurprising. Cora had a talent of making people hate themselves and their lives, making them feel unworthy. 

She’d lost her heart to that witch - she didn’t blame Robin, he did all he could, and she would not risk Roland getting hurt. She just wished she knew what Zelena was going to do with it. 

Regina hadn’t been thrilled at the thought of talking to her mother again, even if it was in spiritual form, but it had been the only way she was going to get any answers. Cora never made anyone’s life easy though and the apparent rejection of her daughter even in spiritual form had hurt Regina more than she cared to admit. Another rejection to add to the list. Another time her mother made her feel worthless. She’d half wished Zelena could see this, see what her life, more specifically her mother was really like. Her life had never been a fairytale. That’s also what Zelena wanted for her to feel defeated, unloved, unwanted and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let that green witch win. 

Usually she would have found Snow’s presence grating but today it had acted as more of a comfort. Their relationship was strained, in a big part due to her mother, but Snow was also the only one to understand what Cora could be like, how much she could hurt Regina. They’d both made mistakes, mistakes they regretted but those mistakes had bought them here. If they had stayed in the Enchanted Forest, and Regina hadn’t have cast the curse all those years ago then one of them probably would have been dead by now. That was a sombre thought. Regina was convinced that Snow was paid by the Hope commission, but as loathe as she were to admit sometimes she needed some of that optimism and today had been one of those days. 

Their touching moment interrupted by a banging of the door, a door that had remained locked for decades - her mother - always one to make an entrance. 

So the witch had been telling the truth. A secret spilled and a life ruined. An all too familiar fate. 

Regina was still confused about what Zelena planned to do - that had happened years ago, it was too late to change the past. 

She’d been shocked when Snow had returned, shocked but grateful, they’d both had old wounds open up. She was sorry that Ava wasn’t the mother Snow had always thought, Snow had brushed it off, saying that it’s never that simple and she hadn’t learned her strength from Ava but from her. 

“Our past is complicated, apparently more so than we even knew, but I knew you, I know you Regina, and you feel things deeply, with your whole soul, with or without your heart.” 

She smiled, a shy nervous one, she had no doubt that Snow knows or at least has an inkling about her feelings for Robin, but she’s not felt like this not for a long time and that scares her. She’s seen this film before and she didn’t like the ending. 

Belle’s revelation that Zelena’s plan is to cast a time travelling curse does nothing to reassure her. No-one has succeeded before, but there is a first time for everything. 

Snow is right, it had to happen occasionally, she feels everything, and she’s fed up of feeling broken. She’s had enough of losing, but if she’s going to lose this game, she will lose it being happy. 

///

Robin feels terrible. He had one job. She had trusted him to keep her heart safe and he had failed. 

She had told him that she understood, and had made sure Roland was alright. He was, thank god for kids and their incredible ability to bounce back. She hurried off, assuring him that they were okay, that she just needed to work out what Zelena had needed her heart for. 

He wasn’t sure he’d see her again today, had heard rumours about what happened, nothing can stay secret in this town for long. 

///

Regina is nervous and she doesn’t like it. She’s never really been afraid of getting what she wants, she cast a curse on an entire kingdom to try and find her happiness. She has a lot of regrets about that. She regrets being so consumed by the darkness. She regrets her never ending thirst for vengeance. She wouldn’t change what happened though, if she could go back, like Zelena plans to. Her curse brought her to Henry, the most important person in her life. All of her cages were, are mental, a voice - usually her mother's, sometimes Rumple’s telling her that she wasn’t good enough. That Love is a weakness. She believed that for a long time, it’s hard when anyone you’ve ever loved is dead. She realises now that love isn’t a weakness, it hurts sometimes, can tear you down, but sometimes you just have to believe. 

She sees him, stoking the flames of the campfire, and for a minute debates turning away, that yes sometimes she’s just got to believe, but she’s a villain and villain’s don’t get happy endings. 

///

He hears her before he sees her, he’s half expecting a fireball, or at least a well placed insult - hers words shoot to kill, when she’s angry or threatened not that he blames her, neither materialises. 

He begins to apologise “Milady, I’m sorry your heart was lost to me on my watch, but I promise you I will get it back” 

He’s trying to discern what she’s thinking, the look in her eyes, sadness, fear, hope. 

It’s then that she grabs the lapel of his jacket and pulls him into a kiss. 

It takes them both a second to realise that this is happening, that this isn’t a dream, that they’re here now and this is true. 

It’s passionate, and hurried, a thousand apologies and forgiveness. 

Regina knows they need to talk, should talk, but she doesn’t want to, not right now, she just wants to live in this moment for a little while longer. 

She pulls away for a second, to catch her breath and to give Robin an out- she doesn’t know what she’ll do if she takes it, but it won’t be pretty. 

Robin wasn’t expecting this, wasn’t expecting her coming here at all, but she is and she’s kissing him and he doesn’t care what comes tomorrow, he’s going to enjoy today, so he kisses her this time. It’s perfect. 

As much as they want to do nothing but kiss each other, that won’t help not in the long run. This, whatever this is, is already complicated enough with Zelena holding her heart and holding everyone’s future over their heads. They need to talk. 

Robin feels like he should apologise again, but Regina stops him, asks him to just let her get this out, but that she doesn’t blame him and that she’s forgiven him (not that she really thinks there is anything to forgive. 

“Robin, I’ve never been good at love. It scares me, terrifies me, because to love I have to be vulnerable and whenever I’ve done that in the past it’s lead to someone dying. So I stopped trying. I stopped trying to love, and instead focused on hatred, revenge, on destroying everyone else’s happiness. Ever since the curse broke 2 years ago I’ve been trying to do better, to be better, and it’s hard. Everytime I think I get close to my happy ending, it’s snatched before me. I may have changed - may not be the Evil Queen anymore - but the fears and insecurities that led me on that path, they’re still all in my mind - every single day. I can’t say those three words Robin, I can’t not yet and even if we do defeat Zelena then I’m not sure I ever will, not because I don’t feel them, because I think I do, but because there’s still parts of myself that I need to learn to love first, before I can say it to someone else. I’m here, Robin, pouring my heart out to an almost stranger, because this is me trying” 

Regina cries, like she’s never cried before, this should feel like a party but it’s heard when she feels like an open wound. 

Robin puts his arm around her, pulling her in. “Thank you, not just for forgiving me, but for being like a mother to Roland, to welcoming me and my merry men to Storybrooke. No one knows what the future will or will not bring, and I’ll be here, to listen to you, to comfort you, to love you when you’re ready. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. Not anymore. You don’t have to fight alone, these demons don’t have to be yours to burden alone. I’ll never ask you to give me more than you’re able, just that you’re honest, we’re honest, and that you tell me what you need from me. ” 

Regina can’t find the words so for a moment just stays there, peaceful under the stars and enjoys the feeling of just being hugged by someone who isn’t her son. 

“Thank you, and right now what I need from you, is you Roland and Henry being safe, because you’re my family and being with all of you, it makes me feel alive, makes me believe that even without my heart, love and happiness is possible” 

“I’m never going to leave you Regina, not voluntarily at least, you’re never going to suffer by yourself again” 

Regina almost believes him. Almost. 

There’s still a whisper in the wind that says that this is temporary, that happiness never lasts. 

Maybe this is just the beginning of their future, or maybe it’s the beginning of her next heartbreak but at least she’s trying to love without fear.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
